Hair
OK. Body hair. Different people obviously have different opinions on it, but by and large, it seems like most of the gays I know choose to remove it in one way or another. I don’t get it, but at the same time, I do; there’s this almost visceral urge to just get rid of it. What’s funny is that I never felt that way personally until the first time I shaved large portions of my torso, and for whatever reason, it just really stuck. I guess there’s just something attractive about looking like a 12-year-old when your shirt is off?
Actually, in all seriousness, I do remember learning way back in high school bio that most species have the concept of neoteny, where certain youthful characteristics are retained and are more attractive to the opposite gender. (This is in species that have gender, of course.) Certainly the same thing applies to humans: most people would agree that the general conception of beauty is associated with youth, health, and perhaps the prime of sexuality. But I think culturally, we might be taking it too far. (For a hetero example, why do middle-aged men in Japan have a preoccupation with teenage girls in all their bubbly glory?) Guys grow chest hair, it happens, yet there’s this compulsion, maybe even an obligation, to remove it; failure to do so means you’re a bear or maybe a hipster. Youthful characteristics may be hardwired into our brains, but come on, shaving off the majority of one’s hair? Where/when did this start? I’m inclined to blame Ancient Greece…
I can understand that guys like to show off muscles, though I don’t really see how hair gets in the way of that. I understand that some people have just absurd amounts of hair, like Greek guys, and removing it is the only way to walk around without feeling like you have a carpet stuffed down your shirt; I’ve been with a few guys like that and two days later I was still plucking the little bits out of clothes. And for guys who are mega-twinks, under 21s who are tenaciously clinging to the adolescence that was theirs not so long ago, I have sympathy. But for the majority of the gay population who falls between, say, 21 (when you can get into places where they know your minimum age) and 35 (when you start moving into “daddy” territory), the prime afternoon of your life, we’re not fooling anyone. A 30-something with a shaved chest is still a 30-something, neoteny be damned.
I’m no exception to the rule. I’ve been blessed to have relatively little body hair to begin with (except the legs, and I can’t bring myself to shave those; the idea of what that might be like growing back is too painful even to consider), and generally I hit all the major areas on Friday night for 20 minutes in the shower. Under the arms, center of the chest, belly, and yes, down there (but I just trim). I get carded regularly, so I feel young enough to justify doing it, and it looks better than the sparse patch of fuzz which would otherwise be on my sternum. Doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally feel a little ridiculous while doing it. On the other hand, I guess women do it all the time, and they don’t see it as weird; there’s no evolutionary rule that says they’re “supposed” to shave their bodies. Lucky bitches. Meanwhile, I’m fretting around trying to figure out if waxing would be better than shaving, or if I should try Nair, and should I work out more to have more muscle so it looks better if I don’t have hair on my chest… why do we subject ourselves to these questions unnecessarily, when we could all just let a reasonable amount of fuzz stay there in peace?
Not sure. I’m not changing my habits, and I don’t expect anyone else, but damn is it weird to think about.
~~ PQ
