I _____ New York
So I made this big deal about posting more often, and I still haven’t gotten on top of that. Mea culpa. Life has been busy around here, though! There’s ever so much going on, and I never have time to update. (Right now, my coworker who sits at the computer directly behind me is out to lunch – in the eating sense, that is, not the crazy sense – so I’m seizing the opportunity. It’s really goofy that I’m still not out, technically; I think most of the office knows by this point, but no one has outright said anything, to my amusement. Trust me, this will be the first place I post when it happens.)
The reason I was gone for a few days was that I went to New York this past weekend. Being from Philadelphia (or at least the environs), I find it disappointing that there’s this rivalry between the East Coast’s two largest cities. Obviously, residents of both cities are intensely proud of their homes, but New Yorkers always seem to have a chip on their shoulder the size of a pretzel cart. Their city is, to them, the best in the world, the most important, the most popular, et cetera, et cetera. Philadelphia, in the eyes of friends and enemies I know from NYC, is merely quaint. From my point of view, I love New York, but I’m just utterly perplexed by their attitude problem. Guess what, guys? You’re not the only city in the world. You have great culture, great nightlife, and fabulously gorgeous men, but you’re also expensive, pretentious, seriously fucked up in terms of the wealth gap, and not the center of the universe you’d like to be. Doesn’t mean I can’t go up and enjoy a weekend there, but something about Philly just warms my heart a whole lot more. Give me Rittenhouse Square with some leisurely shopping down Walnut Street followed by dinner and dancing in the Hood over Central Park, 5th Avenue, Soho, and Chelsea any day of the week. New York is so glitzy that it hurts your eyes, and until they elect me Queen Thang around here, my wallet can’t handle the expense. Plus, the cabbies are absolute maniacs.
The reason I went in the first place was to visit a friend of mine who has held a place in my heart for quite a while. Maybe I would go so far as to call it “unrequited love”, but even that’s not quite right. The story goes, we met a little over three years ago, and hit it off; we traded numbers and agreed to meet a bit later. He came to visit, but on our first date-like hangout, told me about how he was coming out of a lengthy depression after the sudden and tragic passing of his long-term (6+ years) husband. He said he didn’t know if he would ever be able to open up again, or to get over what had happened, which I totally understand. I told him that I didn’t think less of him, that I still found him to be an amazing person, and I would still like to be friends, which we are to this day. I believe (or at least, I hope) he respects me because of that; as far as I know, no other guy who’s flirted with and made a move on him has stuck around when sex is taken out of the equation.
But this weekend. We chilled in his apartment after a night on the town, passing out and watching a movie on TV. And he said he was really glad I came up, was I going to go to sleep, and where would I like to do so? I asked what my options were, and he responded on the couch or with him. We’ve had cuddly moments for 3 years, but it was still kind of a weird moment; I wanted to say, “Are you okay with this?” or something, but I rolled with it. It ended up that nothing more than cuddliness happened, at least not physically – but I don’t know if something in our relationship has changed, and I don’t know how to ask. He’s an amazing guy, but I’ve discounted him, not unhappily, as a possible romance for so long that it’s totally thrown me for a loop. And what about the other guys I’m flirting around with? I can’t very well say, “Oh, I like you, but I might have a chance with this guy who’s been a part of my life for three years but hasn’t done anything but might someday soon.”
Maybe that’s another reason I don’t like NYC: too much off-Broadway drama.
~~ PQ
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