Trapped in the Closet
I opened up this blog window without any idea of what to say. I just felt like I should say something, since it’s been a few days. Perhaps something about Proposition 8, since it’s been getting so much time in the news, and there are protests going on all weekend. Perhaps something about hanging out at the bar last night. But while I sat here and debated, I got this IM:
“hi how ar eu. do u have yahoo?”
I answered back that no, I didn’t, and he proceeded to say, “can u get yahoo messenger it is free. so wat do u do for fun.” I said that I enjoyed hanging out. By this point I’m doing the whole profile-search thing to try to find something to go on with this guy. Generally when I get creepy IMs I’m polite for about 90 seconds, or sooner if I can confirm their creepiness, then I run for the hills. While I was searching he continued with, “i have a fetish do u.” I said, maybe? Him: “i do. wats urs.” By this point I had found his profile: a 24-year-old straight guy from Indiana whose entire profile was a paean to how he liked guys in briefs and panties. The strangeness factor was climbing, so I figured, why not, I’ll roll with this, and asked, What’s yours?
He answered, “bondage”, which is cheating, because that means he has TWO fetishes, and was holding back or lying on this underwear thing. Me: “…ok…” Him: “have u ever tried bondage”, and I said no (which, okay, is a lie), to which he fired back, “would u like to try it.” Somewhat cheekily, I answered, “With whom?” “wit me” I pointed out that according to his profile, he was straight and lived in Indiana, to which he replied indignantly that no, he was actually bi, so would I like to come visit him out in Indiana and try some bondage? (He’s still IMing me, actually. I’ve gracefully declined, mostly citing living in Philadelphia as an excuse, instead of saying, You’re an intensely creepy person who I don’t ever want to encounter.)
(He says I should come visit on a weekend.)
I don’t quite understand in this day and age the need for this kind of furtive sleaziness. I mean, okay, he could be deep in the closet (no profile picture, no real personal information except for him and his fetish), he could be afraid of family finding out, whatever. But despite all the shit that goes on versus homosexuals, in this day and age, in this country, generally even the closeted guys with fetishes feel comfortable enough to make some very quiet, polite overtures without being INCREDIBLY UNSETTLING in their communication. Who thinks that IMing this kind of stuff to someone will entice them to drop everything and travel 600 miles to spend a weekend with a 24-year-old about whom they know Absolutely Nothing for coffee, conversation, and a little light bondage? Probably exactly the kind of person you would never ever want to meet in that scenario.
(Since I typed that, he has asked me if I have a cam, told me he’s desperate, and told me there’s a lot he can teach me. And…yes, there we go, he has asked to see my underwear. Sigh.)
I guess to some degree I should be flattered that this guy, who obviously is so scared of his own orientation and his own feelings, finds me to be temperate enough to talk to and express desires that he keeps buried deep down everywhere except on the Internet. It’s sort of like tranny prostitution. I really don’t understand the guys who are functionally straight, married, “macho”, yet come down to 12th and Spruce on a Saturday night at 2:30 am to get it on with the trannies on the corner. It’s a shame and it gives me a great swell of pity, but only for about 5 seconds before I feel like I need to take a bath. Is that too harsh? After all, sometimes it’s not a shame at all, and these are just predators who are really fucked-up in the head.
He just asked if I would like to get to know him, and I said, “I don’t think it’s a very good idea.” I guess that’s that. One way or the other, perhaps I just made someone’s night a little lonelier? Somehow, I’m okay with that. I think I need a bath.
~~ PQ
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